On a roll, and then, a speed bump.

I never intended to write everyday, but I don't want to feel derailed either.  I'm trying very hard to focus on myself and then I get slapped back into reality.  I hate that.  I would like to have enjoyed a few more days of feeling confident about being able to make myself a priority.  Sadly, this was not the case.  I can not break through the Old Guy's skull and make him understand that when he is sick he does NOTHING.  I don't expect him to, I cater to what he needs, do what I normally would do that day and do what he would do that day (which usually means, do dishes all day since he took that chore over to prove a point- and the only point he ended up proving was he should not talk smack when he can't back it up...)  When the day comes that  I really need to rest, lay, recover- whatever.  It does not happen.  I tried nicely to say several times I am not only not feeling well, but I am having a day where every part of my body is HURTING!  That didn't get through.  If I'm just hurting, well, then I could.... No, not today.  Didn't work.  Not at all.  I keep trying to be nice about it, but I am sick, tired, hurting, frustrated, and he won't stop- so, nice eventually goes out the window.  No, becomes an argument because I am not doing what he thinks I should be doing.  I NEED A SICK DAY!  It happens.  Geez.  I try not to, but I really need to give myself permission to not do those things that can wait until I feel better and I do not need someone yelling at me because they aren't getting their way.  I may need to keep count of how often I am sick to the point where I can't.  It isn't often.  There are a lot of days where I don't want to, but always end up doing it.  Eventually, it will have to be done and I am the one to do it-  I don't want to be behind.  I am just frustrated.  I feel invisible and I think there is no worse feeling than that.  No one can see my needs and no one can hear my voice.  Super big sigh.