The good days always seems to be followed by a day like today.

Levi has speech on Monday and Wednesdays at noon.  I have to make sure he is up long enough to eat, dress, and for his medication to be working fully to get the most out of school.  I set my alarm so I can have time to get up, wake up, Facebook, and get my morning fix of caffeine in me before Hurricane Levi is awaken.  Levi had gotten up at who know what time, and Brandon must have gotten up to smoke, because Levi was wide awake, medicated fully,and dressed by the time I made my way down stairs.  I let him pick out his own food, cereal won, and we were just waiting for it to be time to go.  Brandon came down the stairs in a hurry, dressed, and saying,"just let me get my shoes on and we can go."  So, ok, where are we going?  He thought I had slammed the bedroom door, and told Levi it was time to go.  Nope, we still had an hour and I was downstairs to stay for the day.  He decided to play his guitar before we left, his new song he's "learning", Toes.  Yesterday it didn't sound too bad, but today, yikes.  Double yikes, IN ALL CAPS, with lots of exclamation points.  YIKES YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We left on time, and I had to grab a soda.  It smelled like someone had set our garage on fire.  No smoke, just the smell.  Went out the front door, smell and smoke.  Oh, one of the "flower" pots was on fire, set in between the garage doors.  I grabbed some water out of the fountain and was putting it out.  Brandon was upset because "it isn't a big deal, it will burn itself out."  Um, fire is a big deal, next to my house, and it wasn't just a cigarette in there... Levi had put weeds in there and Brandon had an empty pack of smokes in there... and of course, to me that was enough to burn and catch the frame of the garage doors, which would catch the shingles, and then Tyler's room, the whole upstairs, then the rest of the house.  SIGH.  I played firefighter and we left.  I told Brandon that never underestimate fire and it is not worth the risk.  LORD HAVE MERCY.  We drove to school and Brandon made a left turn that almost had me killed by a Red Bull truck.  I'm glad it would have given me wings, but not quite ready for those.  Next, he drove passed the school.  Turned down a one way street the wrong way, and then while waiting to turn right wouldn't go because a car was coming that was almost 5 car lengths away, and a whole lot farther away than that Red Bull truck had been.  Sheez.  After that, we went to Home Depot.  I needed a pic of him to rib Gabe, and could not get Brandon to comprehend turn your back to the building so I can get you and the sign in the picture... I had to turn him, and when I moved, he turned again.  SIGH.  Got him, took the pic.  Came home to change the filters... the old ones he changed were in backwards.  Had to have a discussion about what those air flow arrows mean.  He helped me move the furniture and then plopped down and that's where he still is.  His brain is just not clicking today.  Not at all.  It is weird how some days there is very little difficulty noted and then today it's like he's a walking disaster.  AND, I have looked into programs to see if he can be assessed to see if he is still driving.  My VA CGC ( VA Care Giver Coordinator ) said she would see what she could find, because I know what a fight it would be between the 2 of us if I say he can't drive anymore.  His glasses have helped, but wow, those reflexes and responses as well as judging distance worry me.  It can't be denied.  Today we did talk a little about it and he knew it was bad, he knew he was just not right, and frustrated at a day like today.  What can you do?  We just have been sitting at home and when it's time for dinner, I'll ask him what he wants.  We'll do what we do everyday.  That's just what you do.  I keep waiting for this to depress me, get me down, or overwhelm me.  So far, so good.  In Kentucky I went to see Bradley's therapist right smack in the middle of realizing what was going on with Brandon, Bradley was hospitalized also at the time, and when I called the doc and said I needed to talk to her, she cleared her schedule because she knew it must be BAD.  I told her I needed to develop a plan for when I can't keep the three ring circus my life had become together.  I needed a plan B for when I couldn't do it.  I'm so glad I love this lady, because she laughed at me and told me to stop creating problems that don't exist.  I had enough real problems that I was handling fine, and then I'm getting worried about a whole bunch of what ifs.  Her advice, when/if they come.. roll with it, decide what needs to be done, and do it.  Just like I always have.  I love that lady.  She was right, it's only a problem if I make it into one, and I gave that up that day in her office.  This is not a problem, this is normal.  If it was a problem I'd be crazy upset all the time... I'm not.  I've come to terms with it, it is not the plan I made.  God always laughs at your plans.  He gave this to us, we've done our best to turn our mess into our message.  I've tried to put every positive spin on it I can.  I refuse to buy into the negatives.  I don't feel like my life is upsetting... I'm not going to let it be.